Photos

What did you do with my photos? Yes the ones you took of me.

I never saw them cos you took them without my knowledge and my permission. They told me about them people you shared them with.

I know its hard to forget me but you didn’t need photos of me to keep. Yes I never forgot you even though I loath you.

How easy love turns to hate. I am just curious.

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Visa

Yes visa. That is permission slip for married men out there. However that surprises me though, how does it work though?

He is here everyday, every night he is by me with me so when does your permission slip expire? Does it ever expire?

Do you know where he goes when he asks for that VISA?

How does he apply for it? Via email? Facebook perhaps? Via text? Via whatsapp? Social medias?

Yep we love making jokes of ourselves ne. Enjoy.

I guess when the cap fits wear it, with pride.

Maybe it is called love

I don’t know what to call but maybe to some it is called LOVE. LOVE seems like a nice thing however the way some people show it, it sometimes leaves me confused. I don’t know I am confused, baffled.

We show our insecurities differently I guess. I may choose to keep quiet, be more reserved, you know the unfriendly type.
Some may choose to be very loud, hateful, jealous of other people they think are better than them.
Some may choose to be rather humiliated, take their punishment like big boys and girl, you know the brave way.
Some may choose talkative, get advise from other people, you know the coward way.

I don’t know but either way all this slowly erodes you, eats you away, turns you into someone you never recognize.

The best way to deal with all this is to ask for help but sometimes while you are the victim you never see yourself as the victim. You think it is LOVE.

I come from a family that taught me to socialize, listen, never judge or assume you know better than the next person and try to understand or put yourself in other people’s shoes.

Up to today I still cannot fathom that this is another form of abuse. Yes abuse I don’t know where it falls namely physical, mental etc. What used to happen is one is subjected to pain as a form of control mode. Yes you are hurt either by way of actions (slapping), verbally and ignoring as if you are not there. Yes I’ve seen that happen. Your family ignore me and in order to be recognized or be accepted as a family member I must scrape their …… That’s where you open up for all kinds of abuse because now you are seeking acceptance. I know that is done in prison as part of their search routine however was it necessary for your to do it. Oh yes that was quite humiliating to succumb oneself to that level of treatment. Maybe one should have taken a leave out of your book did cavity search to you. What are you looking for actually?

Please enlighten me because that left me disgusted once I realized what was going on.

The smiles, clothes, hairstyles that we wear hide a lot of things but being an abuser isn’t suppose to be one of them. Doesn’t suit you or anyone for that matter. Since the community holds you highly and dearly.

You know I was taught that the mentally unstable people don’t always run around swearing and chasing people or pick up dirt or run around naked, dirty but they come in all forms even the most cleanest, normal looking ordinary guy can be very unstable just that they choose to show their instability whenever it suits them or at places they feel comfortable. Oh yes just wanted to know do also do that to your current lover, you know do you search her as well? Maybe she is very lucky indeed she doesn’t need to succumb to that, she must be very special or she also chooses to keep it to herself just smile and wave.

Three Faces

The Renegade Press

Back in 2011 I won the Heading North Young Writers Competition and a place on panel of up and coming writers at the Byron Bay Writers Festival. At the time it was a pretty big achievement for me. I was twenty three years old and struggling to find my way in this world. I was living away from my family and partner so that I could try to pursue my writing dreams. I was broke, fragile and alone. But somehow a panel of judges managed to see through the muddled tale of woe I’d written and gave me an opportunity to shine. I was thrilled with the opportunity and told myself that this was my big break; that I was ready to take on the literary world…

…It was a definitely a break. Unfortunately it would be one that I’d fail to fully embrace before slipping into a harrowing…

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Let go be gone

I don’t think other people understand the meaning of this.

I am serious “Let go be gone”.. I mean it.

I moved on with my life even though you are still caught up in whatever you think you can still hold on.

Yes I get it and I also see you but lets move on brother and sister.

Whatever we had we had.

I respected you thinking that you would do the same with me but alas I was in dreamland as always.

Why did you do that to me?

I should have known that your insecurities reflected your dishonesty, you had affairs all over the show. You were once jealous of a porter. Yes the guy was smitten however it ended just there and I don’t think he would have asked for my numbers even if he did I don’t think he could afford to fly over to see me.

Yes I do attract them however being friendly with them doesn’t mean I would sleep with them.

Yes you did sleep around while you were sleeping with me and lucky for you I found out late. Like i said before i don’t share my toys that included you.

Why did you do that? Why did you play me like that? You made your bed now lie in it. I took it that you were happy with your choice but clearly I am mistaken.

Why did you go behind my back asking about me? You could have came to me and asked all you wanted to you know. Because of you I am healthy, more careful with you I associate myself with.

Yep when I lost my virginity you were standing right there watching me surely you could have said something right there but you didn’t I guess you lacked courage then. Yep I couldn’t give you a child because I didn’t want to and I never believed in shotgun marriage. You terms and conditions were way too hectic for me. You never respected me for who I was or who I am. Yes I know that you are still crazy about me however not as a successful being only as your dependent. I do have pride you know.

It makes me more curious about you, as a human being, your thoughts.

Yes you abused me in ways I never thought possible particularly from a being of your caliber. I respected you either way. Yes you would do those things and I never questioned you. You requested hiv/aids tests every 6 months and I did comply. Whereas you I never knew your results and you were taking meds on daily basis. I never bothered to ask you, gave you the space you required.

You are happily married now and please do forget about me and move on. You’ll never ever lay besides me. I am jealous you know hence I don’t share my toys. Once you touch another being the way you touched me and I find out condition is you leave me in pieces. I knew you had affairs however I didn’t go out and search for those people. I never questioned you when you spoke to anyone instead I gave that space, I didn’t mind waiting for you.

Yeah remember when one of your friends wanted to make a move on me and you forbade me, you commanded that i cut ties and I did without making a scene even though that move cost me a huge chunk of my income. You never thought the repercussions of your actions, only your feelings mattered. Yeah you taught me quite a lot hey one thing that stuck in my mind is sunny-side up. That is still clear as daylight. You would wake me up to cook it for you and I did that with a smile. You were difficult to please but since I allowed you to do that I humbled myself to that level. I had meetings that were very important to me however as long as you were not approving of them I ensured that they never disturbed you even though they would wake you up for whatever. Yes you were my hero and you will still remain as such however don’t push unsavory agendas under the pretext of loving me.

You trampled upon my dignity, you were arrogant while doing that despite that I pushed on. You abused me both emotionally and mentally. You did things to me that I failed to understand till today. I just cannot fathom what did I do to deserve such treatment from you. Well let bygones be bygones.

My mother warned me about your type but I was already within your clutches, all I had to do was to wait for you to leave me. Yeah forever smiling, very shy and you never kept eye contact. I always wondered why and you still do that I guess it’s true “eyes are windows to your soul”. I know now that you have demons.

Let go be gone. SALUTE. You need help end of story. Just let me be please.