Last night I became one

If you didn’t die would I have been your conquest ? I mean would I  still be a one night stand? I learned about your death years later after that night. apparently you graduated top of your class and you did your experiential learning at the same hospital even worked there for 3 years. During that 3 years you were looking for me, searching for me high and low. You met your death coming from my house, devastated and despondent.

Apparently you once came looking for me and I was neither here or there. You tried leaving messages for me but alas no response from me. You even came several times to my house but all these efforts yielded no results. You also saw me and tried to get my attention but I just looked at you and never responded. I turned and walked away from you. You even comforted me when my father passed on. You were there with me.

I just can’t remember how we ended in bed together that night. How did we meet? I can’t remember even your man however someone keeps on telling me about you, how looked for me after that night. The fact that I ended up in bed with you still haunts me. Actually bothers me a lot. We met that night but we ended sleeping together. However I am grateful to have met you. You were a true gentleman. Condoms were not easily available back then but you had them and you ensured we used them and properly at that. You made sure that I got home safe even if you didn’t take me there but you ensured that I arrive safe and you phoned to confirm that I got home safe. You even told me that you don’t trust the transporter however you were a beggar so we didn’t have a choice but to accept his offer to take me home. Well I was the 1st to be dropped at home as per your request and was given money to come next week again as you wanted to see me again. I wasn’t so sure about it. The money was shoved into my pockets. Never  used it though I was waiting for your call.

I can’t remember anything except that we ended up in your friend’s couch for the night. I remember the light, sitting on the stoep and a group of people sitting in a circle though. You came and occupied the next to me and the guy who was sitting moved to another chair. you ignored everybody. It was like we were in our own  world until it was time to sleep and you remembered that you don’t have a place to sleep for the night. You asked to wait for you while you spoke to your friend who already offered us his couch.

You told me your dreams. Time and again you would tell me that you were from Natal. You came here to study and you have to fulfil that promise as you come rural area and a poor home. You wanted to improve your parent’s life back home. It was exam  time the Monday we woke up together you were writing your last and very important exam and you had few more hours still left on your experiential learning. You apologised though for what was happening right and promised to make it right. You begged me to forgive you for not being there for me. You told me that you will work here for a few years and move closer to your home and if I was willing to come with you start a new life in another province with a new family. You told you were getting a car because you were tired of travelling with buses and taxis.

I heard you graduated cam laude and your parents were flown  from Natal to your graduation. Apparently your older brother threw a hell of a party. I also a shout out from your brother daring me to show my face. Apparently your family wanted to meet me now that they were here. I wonder what did you tell them about me. Did you even remember my name though cos I can’t remember yours? maybe I chose to forget it because you became one of those bad memories. I think you hurt me deeply and emotionally so hence I only remember snippets of our meeting.

Today I would like to bid you farewell. I would like to forget you, move on with my life. I would say we were not meant to be. It’s one of those but know this you taught me how to use a condom, be wary of guys like you and be strong never show emotions.

We made love or had sex all through out the night. we used all 8 condoms you had. You woke me up each time I fell asleep in your arms. You told me how much loved me even if we just met. You told me that you will be leaving early in the morning and indeed you woke me up at around 04:30 am to shower with you. We looked for cups to make coffee or tea whilst you were waiting for your transport to school and you had to go extra early to finish up whatever I never knew never bothered to ask. You had your backpack with your books. I paged through and you asked if I married you would I like to study your field of study full-time? You would pay for me. I just looked at you never responded. Your hands cupped my face in your hands kissed me passionately time and time again until you heard a tap on your shoulder. It was the transport guy. He came for us. He dropped of at the gate of the university, again you kissed me, only this time tears rolled down my face and you wiped them begging for forgiveness. I did not like the way you were letting me go. The transporter consoled me along the way that he is certain I wasn’t a one night stand for you. His words were ” you are beautiful and my boy would be a fool to let such a beautiful girl walk away from him just after 1 night.” He saw love in your eyes. He has known you for several years and he has seen you like this before though. He asked if it’s alright for him to come fetch me every time we need to meet.

Our common factor reminds of you always. How life would have turned out differently had you not passed on after that accident. How you would not stop asking about me. How you would not stop hoping to hold me in your arms yet again. So long see you whenever.

 

 

 

 

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I have fallen

Yes I have fallen………

 

I have fallen off a wagon.

 

I have fallen in love with you.

 

I have fallen for your tricks again.

 

I fallen yet again on my head.

 

I have fallen

 

You think that I would fall again for the same trick? Think again man I won’t do that and can’t do that. I know I seem stupid and all but there is something that always goes berserk each time you make a move on me sucker. Yeah I remembers that our 1st date we went to the movies and now you are trying to relive it again. Ah well it’s up to you really as to what memories you hold on to. I hold on to the lies and promised you never fulfilled. Oh today I am good enough for your babies, how many were they when we 1st met? How many are they now? Just like before lets keep it that. You couldn’t trust me enough to be honest with me hey. Ya ne. I still have your proposal and ring.

Again you make promises in front of your friends that we will be together forever and ever? You know you can’t and won’t make it happen. Just because you are in dire doesn’t mean that there is changes. You shall never and you will never be honest with me I am not what you are looking for in a partner. I am only good when you want to use me. Yes use me however way suits you.

Yes you will keep on stealing my ideas. You don’t want to see get out of the gutter just because I am not with you. It is your own doing. Couldn’t we have taken things as per our plan? Not put on any pressure, less impossible expectations. Would you have loved me more had I had your baby? Didn’t you want us to enjoy each other’s company before having kids? Gunshot marriage is that what you always wanted? How could I have handled you with that green monster?  Did you love me enough not to worry about the baby I might have carried for you? You made a promise and I sure hope you keep. I trust you’ll remember it and I shall remind you should you step otherwise.

Why couldn’t you have given me chance to find myself? You wanted marriage and I felt I was young to be tied down like that. How does it feel to be caught between 2 people you claim to love? I think I wouldn’t have survived the fact that you are in love with someone else other me.

I can’t be part of entourage, couldn’t be then and I won’t be. I understand that distance played a role but you could have comprised as I did for you. Anyway everything happens for a reason hence you couldn’t be faithful to me. I got to say I am glad that you left me now I don’t have to be worried about the diseases I might pick up cos you don’t condomise.

I was spoil t and respected by you even we often had our fights. What we had was the best so far. I just hope you would continue to do that to the woman you would end up marrying. I still don’t know what makes you so special however I became attached to you and you to me. We became one. I enjoyed our time together. You taught me a lot in forgiving those who have hurt us and moving on with our lives. Here we are living a healthy life. Thank you may you continue being your pleasant self. I can’t forget those eyes. Beautiful as they are.

I know you were really attracted to me the 1st time you laid your eyes on me. You waited for how many years before you made a move on me? You even have a baby but you still respected my space and kept your feelings to yourself. Now you can’t wait a week yet you waited so long? I know that you want to be with me but the situation is not conducive enough. Even though I could not understand what you were saying about me however I could tell that there is something there in your eyes, your touch, your smile. You were speaking about me hence I felt a bit shy when you approached. Yes that shocked look when you saw my upper body as my baby undone my dress. Yes everybody who matters to you knows about me and they respect me thank you. The compliments I get I shall cherish them even though it’s too late now we can’t be together there is other people involved. I cherish your honesty about yourself. I realized that you don’t know much about me and actually don’t care. You saw what you saw and it shall remain like that.

I am single however respect the fact that I do not want you in my space. My space my home if you are serious about us you would find a place for us. I am not boarding and free lodger place. I want my kids and friends to have the freedom to come and go as they please besides I am not all for my kids to see different men in our house. I want them to feel safe as they do right now. Yes different men I dare say.

After you had whatever you wanted you will and another will assume it’s free boarding and lodging in my place and I will end up with married men as partners cos I will be having a place for all of them to sleep. I respect my space as much as you respect yours. Besides you former girlfriend is like a daughter to me. Yes I may seem young and naive however you were the greatest teachers a person would have and thank you for all the life’s lessons that you taught me. May your continue to teach others as you did with me.

 

You think you know

You think you’ll eventually belong there, alas think again? You are nothing but a daughter in law and will remain such. You will never replace any of my children however you will be part of my son’s life. Yes you can have as many babies as you want. It’s your decision after all.

 

Yes they may pretend that you are the most important part of their family yep treat you with respect in front of their beloved son or brother particularly if he is the breadwinner. They will give you that illusion that you are part of them. “Them” ha alas you will never be besides blood is thicker than water. You said that it does not matter whether I have a child or not and indeed it did not matter. You never said that it bothered you that your first born will be my second born. You did not say anything about my child is not your How do you say it “your blood”. Yet you had the audacity to be jealous when some other people wanted to approach. You ring fenced me. You made sure that they do not come near me or I do not even see or even notice their intentions. Yes I had eyes for no one except you but it was not necessary to string me along.

Am I responsible for your previous experiences? I don’t think so and it is unfair to make me pay for what previous exes did to you. Did I bore you? Why didn’t you tell me? Was it necessary to compare me to your other girlfriends? Was it wrong for me to want the best that I think I deserve? I still don’t. So live with your choices I will live with mine.

You never felt the need to support me however you need my support. Stop sending people to come and ask me to come visit. I am super fine just like you are. You were never there when I needed you so don’t expect magic. What goes around comes around and for you it came a lot sooner than I thought. How does it feel now that you are experiencing what I am experiencing?

Yoh now you think I am a naive just becos I smile with you. I am just civil for my sake. I can’t keep carrying grudges, you are not worth it. What I often ask myself is “What would I have done, had you done that to me?”. Life goes on after.

You met my sister a few years ago however you call her a witch. Wow that’s all I can say. You think you know. It actually shows what kind of household you are from. Gossiping is part and parcel of who you are. Let me let you into a little secret stupid things amuses small minds. Think again.

 

You thought you were God’s gift to me ha think again. I am doing well without and I have little or no regret re: my engagement with you. You taught me thank you for the lesson. One question though ” What did you take me for? Yes I know I do not know my blood line but that does not make you any better than me at least I know that I might be a mixed breed. I am gorgeous hence you noticed me hey. I know I am something else.

Let me assure you I LOVE MY KIDS yours included even though you felt that you don’t want once the baby was born. You took me for a fool. Good luck in your endeavors.

Does size really matter?

I sat with a group of couples and all of a sudden topic of SEX came up. Normally that topic we have it when we are with our friends cos at times very intimate details are shared.

Obviously we all took part, in fact we were keen to share.

Yep the size issue became the focus.

I just wanna know does size really matter or is the skill the deal breaker?

The fairer sex some said it does matter whereas the other half focused on the skill.

One often sees the pamphlet re: helping you to increase your manhood or something similar.

The issue of size becomes a heated debate between couples such that some end up splitting.

As we were discussing a story came to mind…….

This guy was so distressed with the fact that he can’t satisfied his women issue being him very small in that department. He was so stressed that he couldn’t focus on anything except that he wants to satisfy his women. He opened up to fraudsters.

All of sudden people became responsible in ensuring that he satisfied his ladies. They ensured that he parts with his hard earned cash. They came in droves to make money. Indeed he became the laughing stock of the town. They gave him all sorts of remedies…. I remember where they brought in suet with mixed charcoal. He had to rub it on his anatomy for   the next 3 days without washing, twice a day. I wondered how his undies looked like after that and the smell, must have a been a real pong hey. Then they gave him Vaseline mixed with something like an aloe and they told him to wait for a few weeks as he pulls it every time he answered he’ll see the difference. In fact he will also feel it. I wonder if he ever did get what he wanted as he relocated.

Then the ladies as well have their own issues re: size of their anatomy to an extend that they fall prey to home made vaginoplastos. Apparently if one searches very well there is a dried fruit called ” lengangajane”. They rave about it. There is also some ointment that they also get from herbalists. They say one swipe of the ointment your partner will never get enough of you. They say he will go crazy. Don’t know how true it is but one will have to do some more research.

Hope all this suffering is all but having a wonderful and memorable procreation.

What I find funny is this young boys have bigger anatomies than their fathers. Is it what these boys eat as kids that makes them like this? Is it a myth?

A day in the saloonp

 

My daughter dyed her hair blue. Blue I said.

Funny some 20 odd years I also braided my hair with a blue hair piece. I didn’t realize it last year when she was looking for a blue hair dye. I looked at her kind a awkwardly however her look  for it. I totally forgot that I once went through that phase of color.

For me then it was a vibrant color, youthful for me. The color suited my skin color. Haha by then I was aspiring to be a business manager. Imagine business manager with blue hair. Now it is my daughter with the same hair color. When she came home with dyed her I was amazed actually surprised that she finally got what she wanted.

Yes it might come as a surprise to you but the daughter is following in mom’s footsteps however differently so. My mom seemed kinda more stable not the venturous type when coming to her looks. She was more of lady than I could ever be. (God bless her soul).

People’s comment seemed not have any effect on me, didn’t bother at all. Yeah it still does not. My daughter seemed to have inherited the same trade which is good for her.

Her son was mesmerized by her look, kept on touching her and complimenting her. Saloon is part and parcel of every woman’s life. Home or otherwise it is part of who we are and who we become.

My baby is bluetiful. Love her look.

 

Visa

Yes visa. That is permission slip for married men out there. However that surprises me though, how does it work though?

He is here everyday, every night he is by me with me so when does your permission slip expire? Does it ever expire?

Do you know where he goes when he asks for that VISA?

How does he apply for it? Via email? Facebook perhaps? Via text? Via whatsapp? Social medias?

Yep we love making jokes of ourselves ne. Enjoy.

I guess when the cap fits wear it, with pride.