I have fallen

Yes I have fallen………

 

I have fallen off a wagon.

 

I have fallen in love with you.

 

I have fallen for your tricks again.

 

I fallen yet again on my head.

 

I have fallen

 

You think that I would fall again for the same trick? Think again man I won’t do that and can’t do that. I know I seem stupid and all but there is something that always goes berserk each time you make a move on me sucker. Yeah I remembers that our 1st date we went to the movies and now you are trying to relive it again. Ah well it’s up to you really as to what memories you hold on to. I hold on to the lies and promised you never fulfilled. Oh today I am good enough for your babies, how many were they when we 1st met? How many are they now? Just like before lets keep it that. You couldn’t trust me enough to be honest with me hey. Ya ne. I still have your proposal and ring.

Again you make promises in front of your friends that we will be together forever and ever? You know you can’t and won’t make it happen. Just because you are in dire doesn’t mean that there is changes. You shall never and you will never be honest with me I am not what you are looking for in a partner. I am only good when you want to use me. Yes use me however way suits you.

Yes you will keep on stealing my ideas. You don’t want to see get out of the gutter just because I am not with you. It is your own doing. Couldn’t we have taken things as per our plan? Not put on any pressure, less impossible expectations. Would you have loved me more had I had your baby? Didn’t you want us to enjoy each other’s company before having kids? Gunshot marriage is that what you always wanted? How could I have handled you with that green monster?  Did you love me enough not to worry about the baby I might have carried for you? You made a promise and I sure hope you keep. I trust you’ll remember it and I shall remind you should you step otherwise.

Why couldn’t you have given me chance to find myself? You wanted marriage and I felt I was young to be tied down like that. How does it feel to be caught between 2 people you claim to love? I think I wouldn’t have survived the fact that you are in love with someone else other me.

I can’t be part of entourage, couldn’t be then and I won’t be. I understand that distance played a role but you could have comprised as I did for you. Anyway everything happens for a reason hence you couldn’t be faithful to me. I got to say I am glad that you left me now I don’t have to be worried about the diseases I might pick up cos you don’t condomise.

I was spoil t and respected by you even we often had our fights. What we had was the best so far. I just hope you would continue to do that to the woman you would end up marrying. I still don’t know what makes you so special however I became attached to you and you to me. We became one. I enjoyed our time together. You taught me a lot in forgiving those who have hurt us and moving on with our lives. Here we are living a healthy life. Thank you may you continue being your pleasant self. I can’t forget those eyes. Beautiful as they are.

I know you were really attracted to me the 1st time you laid your eyes on me. You waited for how many years before you made a move on me? You even have a baby but you still respected my space and kept your feelings to yourself. Now you can’t wait a week yet you waited so long? I know that you want to be with me but the situation is not conducive enough. Even though I could not understand what you were saying about me however I could tell that there is something there in your eyes, your touch, your smile. You were speaking about me hence I felt a bit shy when you approached. Yes that shocked look when you saw my upper body as my baby undone my dress. Yes everybody who matters to you knows about me and they respect me thank you. The compliments I get I shall cherish them even though it’s too late now we can’t be together there is other people involved. I cherish your honesty about yourself. I realized that you don’t know much about me and actually don’t care. You saw what you saw and it shall remain like that.

I am single however respect the fact that I do not want you in my space. My space my home if you are serious about us you would find a place for us. I am not boarding and free lodger place. I want my kids and friends to have the freedom to come and go as they please besides I am not all for my kids to see different men in our house. I want them to feel safe as they do right now. Yes different men I dare say.

After you had whatever you wanted you will and another will assume it’s free boarding and lodging in my place and I will end up with married men as partners cos I will be having a place for all of them to sleep. I respect my space as much as you respect yours. Besides you former girlfriend is like a daughter to me. Yes I may seem young and naive however you were the greatest teachers a person would have and thank you for all the life’s lessons that you taught me. May your continue to teach others as you did with me.

 

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You think you know

You think you’ll eventually belong there, alas think again? You are nothing but a daughter in law and will remain such. You will never replace any of my children however you will be part of my son’s life. Yes you can have as many babies as you want. It’s your decision after all.

 

Yes they may pretend that you are the most important part of their family yep treat you with respect in front of their beloved son or brother particularly if he is the breadwinner. They will give you that illusion that you are part of them. “Them” ha alas you will never be besides blood is thicker than water. You said that it does not matter whether I have a child or not and indeed it did not matter. You never said that it bothered you that your first born will be my second born. You did not say anything about my child is not your How do you say it “your blood”. Yet you had the audacity to be jealous when some other people wanted to approach. You ring fenced me. You made sure that they do not come near me or I do not even see or even notice their intentions. Yes I had eyes for no one except you but it was not necessary to string me along.

Am I responsible for your previous experiences? I don’t think so and it is unfair to make me pay for what previous exes did to you. Did I bore you? Why didn’t you tell me? Was it necessary to compare me to your other girlfriends? Was it wrong for me to want the best that I think I deserve? I still don’t. So live with your choices I will live with mine.

You never felt the need to support me however you need my support. Stop sending people to come and ask me to come visit. I am super fine just like you are. You were never there when I needed you so don’t expect magic. What goes around comes around and for you it came a lot sooner than I thought. How does it feel now that you are experiencing what I am experiencing?

Yoh now you think I am a naive just becos I smile with you. I am just civil for my sake. I can’t keep carrying grudges, you are not worth it. What I often ask myself is “What would I have done, had you done that to me?”. Life goes on after.

You met my sister a few years ago however you call her a witch. Wow that’s all I can say. You think you know. It actually shows what kind of household you are from. Gossiping is part and parcel of who you are. Let me let you into a little secret stupid things amuses small minds. Think again.

 

You thought you were God’s gift to me ha think again. I am doing well without and I have little or no regret re: my engagement with you. You taught me thank you for the lesson. One question though ” What did you take me for? Yes I know I do not know my blood line but that does not make you any better than me at least I know that I might be a mixed breed. I am gorgeous hence you noticed me hey. I know I am something else.

Let me assure you I LOVE MY KIDS yours included even though you felt that you don’t want once the baby was born. You took me for a fool. Good luck in your endeavors.

Does size really matter?

I sat with a group of couples and all of a sudden topic of SEX came up. Normally that topic we have it when we are with our friends cos at times very intimate details are shared.

Obviously we all took part, in fact we were keen to share.

Yep the size issue became the focus.

I just wanna know does size really matter or is the skill the deal breaker?

The fairer sex some said it does matter whereas the other half focused on the skill.

One often sees the pamphlet re: helping you to increase your manhood or something similar.

The issue of size becomes a heated debate between couples such that some end up splitting.

As we were discussing a story came to mind…….

This guy was so distressed with the fact that he can’t satisfied his women issue being him very small in that department. He was so stressed that he couldn’t focus on anything except that he wants to satisfy his women. He opened up to fraudsters.

All of sudden people became responsible in ensuring that he satisfied his ladies. They ensured that he parts with his hard earned cash. They came in droves to make money. Indeed he became the laughing stock of the town. They gave him all sorts of remedies…. I remember where they brought in suet with mixed charcoal. He had to rub it on his anatomy for   the next 3 days without washing, twice a day. I wondered how his undies looked like after that and the smell, must have a been a real pong hey. Then they gave him Vaseline mixed with something like an aloe and they told him to wait for a few weeks as he pulls it every time he answered he’ll see the difference. In fact he will also feel it. I wonder if he ever did get what he wanted as he relocated.

Then the ladies as well have their own issues re: size of their anatomy to an extend that they fall prey to home made vaginoplastos. Apparently if one searches very well there is a dried fruit called ” lengangajane”. They rave about it. There is also some ointment that they also get from herbalists. They say one swipe of the ointment your partner will never get enough of you. They say he will go crazy. Don’t know how true it is but one will have to do some more research.

Hope all this suffering is all but having a wonderful and memorable procreation.

What I find funny is this young boys have bigger anatomies than their fathers. Is it what these boys eat as kids that makes them like this? Is it a myth?

when you no longer want me,will you tell me?

Exactly that

when you no longer want me will tell me? at least say goodbye to me? not make up stories?

We meet people and come to love and end up living with them but

  1. are they worthy of our love?
  2. are they worthy of time?
  3. do they deserve us?
  4. are they honest enough to be trusted with our valuable info?
  5. are they honest with us?
  6. can we take their word for it?

When a boy sees a girl and approaches the girl, it seems like it will be forever and ever. But when a man meets a woman is all about compromise, lies and heartbreak.Why is it like that?

You come to love him warts and all but they have special goal they want to achieve out of meeting with you. I understand you can’t just meet a person without his especially after a certain age in life. The honors lies on you to be honest with the other party. Whether you twist the truth to suit you but at least hint regarding your history.

If I no longer fit into your plans please don’t string me along.

Don’t lie to me.

Don’t abuse me.

Don’t cheat me

Don’t steal my stuff when you leave.

Leave my money alone and most definitely my kids too.

I dated this foreign guy and we eventually moved in together and had 3 kids together. He spoil t me in the beginning however he no longer does that instead he beats me up at every corner and chance he gets. I support the both us as he no longer can but it’s okay. Now he came up with a new version to his predicament of not making money – he lost his papers and he needs money to sort them out. We have been together for how long -18 years? They can’t find his fingerprints on the computer and he has to go back home to sort them out. Yes you guessed right he is moving on with somebody else other than me. He has enough of me hence the beating now he wants to make off with my money that I work hard for.

Why is it difficult for him to leave me just like that-disappear? Why must he steal my money? Why lie to me? Yes I should have left him the moment the beatings started but ……..

Yes I do sleep around and blame him for that. I suspect he knows but doesn’t give a hoot about me. He leaves early and comes back in the early hours of the morning. He doesn’t even touch me. It’s like I am repulsive.

Why do I allow to be treated like that I dare ask.

WHY? WHY?

I have no answer for you and I don’t think I will ever have.

Generation of tattoos

I just visited my friends and her family was visiting there.

My friend has tattoos, so is her daughter and her mother as well.

Wait, wait the similarity does not end there all 3 are very light in complexion I mean yellow bones.

They are living together.

My friend has just bought a house, it was a week ago. We all happy she is just nearby no more in the 70 kilometres from home. She is back.

She is staying with her daughter, grandson and her mother. How nice 4 generations under one roof.

It’s a happy family very nice indeed. I really like them.

Now only 1 of my friends is left however she’s busy with her home loan soon enough she’ll be in her own house with her 2 sons. This 2015 all my friends will be housed come Christmas time. It’s gonna be a blast.

My sister in-horror

We were just 2, my brother and I. My mother had just the two of us. They used to tease her that she is like a pigeon and she would laugh about it until she had tears. Everybody had their own bedroom and what happened in those rooms it was your own “indaba”.

My brother met this woman and he brought her home and she never left our home. She stayed with us for donkeys years until my mother forced my brother to at least pay lobola. Indeed my brother obliged by just paying deposit of the asking price. She stayed with him despite the unfinished lobola.

My brother as time went by he was no longer satisfied with her and wanted her to leave she refused saying only death will do them apart. My brother started to have kids outside of the relationship. She stayed no matter what. We asked her to leave because now my brother is no longer staying at home and we don’t know where he is. She refused.

Then a horrible thing happened my brother passed on. Her behavior was erratic. She carried on as if she owned the house now overlooking even over riding what my mother said. After the funeral her family held a meeting advising her to stay on until she also pass on. My mother again advised to take a hint and leave. She refused. She started having affairs now she wants to bring her boyfriends over the house which was culturally unacceptable as she was still mourning her husband. We asked again to leave because now she was now it was way too much for all of us in the yard. She refused to pay for rent, electricity etc. flatly refusing to contribute. We treated her as a lodger giving her 3 months notice as required by law. She ignored the warning. Indeed 3 months lapsed and we woke her up and asked her to leave with all the stuff in that room. She left however leaving her belonging. We looked the place when she returned in the night she found the place locked. She called the police on us and the police advised her that she has to move. Then she went to the Councillor who also told the same “LEAVE”. She approached social worker who was so rude however she couldn’t help her as well.

Somebody tipped us that her father sold their family home. We didn’t believe them thought that were gossiping. It’s now 3 years since my brother passed on and guess what she still refuses to leave. Out of the blue her brother’s letter from the bank arrived which confirms that their father indeed sold their home.

When the ship has sailed

When the ship has sailed, it has believe you me.

Why must you torture yourself like this, huh?

Why make another human being your alpha and omega?

Is stranger you let into your life, you opened your heart for.

Life must go on after all.

After all how did you survive before you met him/her?

I know, I know I’m a sucker for pain but torturing myself like this I can’t really. Yoh imagine having sleepless nights because of another human being and wherever he/she is having good times perhaps sleeping much better than I do. No, not with me. I find hard to understand how can another human being can torture me to an extent of me depriving myself sleep, food etc. Never would I do such.

Moving in and living with him is a torture that 1 has to endure cos you have to play the caring wife part, will this little arrangement ever lead to marriage? I don’t think so and never thought so. The worst is when I cook he no longer eats home whereas earlier he would even phone to ask for specific type of food to be cooked just for him. Why would I bother to even do his garden or his laundry? He no longer drives me to work instead he’ll pass me with other women in the car and I still stay. He no goes to work functions or parties with other women, why am I still sticking around for? Move on sister it shows you that the ship has sailed and left you.

He packs your clothes for you and takes to your place without any word then why I you still holding the candle for him? Not me, never. You think mind games that you are playing will get him back, oh come on wake up and smell the coffee. You think by telling us stories about his current squeeze that will get him back. Never in a million years it shows how immature you are instead sweetheart. Yes we loved you and enjoyed your company however that’s it.

Now you are going for people that his acquaintances, wow that’s even worse than spreading rumors about his latest squeeze.

Oh for pit sake you are mother and please behave appropriately. If you can’t respect yourself at least respect that little boy. He loves you truly. I know life is not fair but ride on sister.

Love yourself big time then you can love others.

Love you little sis. XOXO