Fear that we all have

I am living in fear that he’ll or she’ll  pass on. Yes last year was touch and go but she is still here. We still don’t know what was causing all this discomfort. Fear gripped us and for a moment we remembered her status.

 

He started coughing and wouldn’t just go away, it went on and on for some time and we asked him to take the tests. They turned out negative for what we thought it would be. Again fear gripped us and status issue resurfaced. We all thought that he will live to celebrate 10 years knowing his status. Yes he is going to live. Still we don’t know what caused the discomfort.

 

Yes both of you are sick, now we wonder what is happening? Are you taking your medication? Have you given up the battle or are you still fighting? My wish is for you to outlive a whole lot of users out there. Take us by surprise bury them 1st before they could bury you.

 

The swelling had gone down and he was getting to be comfortable living with his life partner however the swelling came back full force and he lost the battle, he passed on.

 

Yes strides have been made in the AIDS pandemic however each time something happens their status comes back in mind that they are HIV +. We don’t think about anything else.

Yep we do not share our fears. We all cry in our little dark corners.

 

This means we will never ever accept the virus though it has been with us for some time now. Your will always determine who or what you are. After all it is human nature to class.

when you no longer want me,will you tell me?

Exactly that

when you no longer want me will tell me? at least say goodbye to me? not make up stories?

We meet people and come to love and end up living with them but

  1. are they worthy of our love?
  2. are they worthy of time?
  3. do they deserve us?
  4. are they honest enough to be trusted with our valuable info?
  5. are they honest with us?
  6. can we take their word for it?

When a boy sees a girl and approaches the girl, it seems like it will be forever and ever. But when a man meets a woman is all about compromise, lies and heartbreak.Why is it like that?

You come to love him warts and all but they have special goal they want to achieve out of meeting with you. I understand you can’t just meet a person without his especially after a certain age in life. The honors lies on you to be honest with the other party. Whether you twist the truth to suit you but at least hint regarding your history.

If I no longer fit into your plans please don’t string me along.

Don’t lie to me.

Don’t abuse me.

Don’t cheat me

Don’t steal my stuff when you leave.

Leave my money alone and most definitely my kids too.

I dated this foreign guy and we eventually moved in together and had 3 kids together. He spoil t me in the beginning however he no longer does that instead he beats me up at every corner and chance he gets. I support the both us as he no longer can but it’s okay. Now he came up with a new version to his predicament of not making money – he lost his papers and he needs money to sort them out. We have been together for how long -18 years? They can’t find his fingerprints on the computer and he has to go back home to sort them out. Yes you guessed right he is moving on with somebody else other than me. He has enough of me hence the beating now he wants to make off with my money that I work hard for.

Why is it difficult for him to leave me just like that-disappear? Why must he steal my money? Why lie to me? Yes I should have left him the moment the beatings started but ……..

Yes I do sleep around and blame him for that. I suspect he knows but doesn’t give a hoot about me. He leaves early and comes back in the early hours of the morning. He doesn’t even touch me. It’s like I am repulsive.

Why do I allow to be treated like that I dare ask.

WHY? WHY?

I have no answer for you and I don’t think I will ever have.

Three Faces

The Renegade Press

Back in 2011 I won the Heading North Young Writers Competition and a place on panel of up and coming writers at the Byron Bay Writers Festival. At the time it was a pretty big achievement for me. I was twenty three years old and struggling to find my way in this world. I was living away from my family and partner so that I could try to pursue my writing dreams. I was broke, fragile and alone. But somehow a panel of judges managed to see through the muddled tale of woe I’d written and gave me an opportunity to shine. I was thrilled with the opportunity and told myself that this was my big break; that I was ready to take on the literary world…

…It was a definitely a break. Unfortunately it would be one that I’d fail to fully embrace before slipping into a harrowing…

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Mam’lady is her name

This month is mother’s month. It reminded me of my mother and her mother. Both of have passed on. In 2010-my grandmother and 2013-my mother. Both these women were/are very important to me. They played a major role in life. They help shape and build the character that I am today. They really helped me to raise my only daughter. Today I am mother and granny to most cute and naughty boy in the world.

My granny had a garden with fruit trees viz peaches, apples, lemons, strawberries, grapes etc. On a regular basis me and my cousins would take up residence there every school holidays. The reason we were sent there was there was no one to take care of us in our respective homes therefore the safest place was granny place.

He reminds me of my dearly departed cousin was very naughty indeed. My granny used to say HE DOESN’T HAVE EARS, end of story. We were there for December holidays and it is between spring and summer, trees bloom, some of them bore some fruits already. This 1 afternoon we went after apples. Yes the looked all delicious however the were very small as they did fit in our tiny hands.

We went outside and threw our ball in the directions of the trees. My cousin went in there to take a