I am back

I have been gone for a while now. I was worried in fact I am worried that I might not blog again. Here I am.

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Introductions

How is they are done?

In most cases introductions are sealed by handshakes but this one was different from normal introductions.

We went out for over 6 months without touching or even kissing each other. On your this particular day you choose you decided that it was time for me to meet your family and to know your place.

You came to collect me early in the morning around 6 o’clock. We went for a champagne breakfast and after that we were given a picnic basket instead we went to your house. It was my first time there but definitely not my last. We were just two of us there if my memory served me.

We ended up in the master bedroom and we stayed there for the rest of the day. That day I saw a horror movie in the broad daylight. No mercy shown on the poor partner in crime.

We had a shower and followed each other out of the bedroom, looking for food, hand in hand out of your bedroom only to find your whole family there waiting for us to emerge. My eyes were red from crying and I was still complaining whilst you were grinning from ear to ear.

my shock when I saw them and meeting them for the first time. ” Well Mrs ……… meet my family ” as you introduced them. You were proud very proud indeed only to find the bloodied t-shirt we used in the sitting room on top of the table everybody eyeing it with smiles.

Yep it was a very special day for you. Your birthday and your horn that you have been blowing proved to be correct. Indeed I buckled under you, you were the MAN. Your family was very proud of you especially your father who gave you a pat at the back, your brothers paying up the bet you had about me.

I couldn’t look them in the eye I still can’t but you didn’t give a hoot it was your BIRTHDAY and you had your best present ever on a silver platter.

I don’t know how you introduce your girlfriends in your household but this ………….

Photos

What did you do with my photos? Yes the ones you took of me.

I never saw them cos you took them without my knowledge and my permission. They told me about them people you shared them with.

I know its hard to forget me but you didn’t need photos of me to keep. Yes I never forgot you even though I loath you.

How easy love turns to hate. I am just curious.

Visa

Yes visa. That is permission slip for married men out there. However that surprises me though, how does it work though?

He is here everyday, every night he is by me with me so when does your permission slip expire? Does it ever expire?

Do you know where he goes when he asks for that VISA?

How does he apply for it? Via email? Facebook perhaps? Via text? Via whatsapp? Social medias?

Yep we love making jokes of ourselves ne. Enjoy.

I guess when the cap fits wear it, with pride.

Maybe it is called love

I don’t know what to call but maybe to some it is called LOVE. LOVE seems like a nice thing however the way some people show it, it sometimes leaves me confused. I don’t know I am confused, baffled.

We show our insecurities differently I guess. I may choose to keep quiet, be more reserved, you know the unfriendly type.
Some may choose to be very loud, hateful, jealous of other people they think are better than them.
Some may choose to be rather humiliated, take their punishment like big boys and girl, you know the brave way.
Some may choose talkative, get advise from other people, you know the coward way.

I don’t know but either way all this slowly erodes you, eats you away, turns you into someone you never recognize.

The best way to deal with all this is to ask for help but sometimes while you are the victim you never see yourself as the victim. You think it is LOVE.

I come from a family that taught me to socialize, listen, never judge or assume you know better than the next person and try to understand or put yourself in other people’s shoes.

Up to today I still cannot fathom that this is another form of abuse. Yes abuse I don’t know where it falls namely physical, mental etc. What used to happen is one is subjected to pain as a form of control mode. Yes you are hurt either by way of actions (slapping), verbally and ignoring as if you are not there. Yes I’ve seen that happen. Your family ignore me and in order to be recognized or be accepted as a family member I must scrape their …… That’s where you open up for all kinds of abuse because now you are seeking acceptance. I know that is done in prison as part of their search routine however was it necessary for your to do it. Oh yes that was quite humiliating to succumb oneself to that level of treatment. Maybe one should have taken a leave out of your book did cavity search to you. What are you looking for actually?

Please enlighten me because that left me disgusted once I realized what was going on.

The smiles, clothes, hairstyles that we wear hide a lot of things but being an abuser isn’t suppose to be one of them. Doesn’t suit you or anyone for that matter. Since the community holds you highly and dearly.

You know I was taught that the mentally unstable people don’t always run around swearing and chasing people or pick up dirt or run around naked, dirty but they come in all forms even the most cleanest, normal looking ordinary guy can be very unstable just that they choose to show their instability whenever it suits them or at places they feel comfortable. Oh yes just wanted to know do also do that to your current lover, you know do you search her as well? Maybe she is very lucky indeed she doesn’t need to succumb to that, she must be very special or she also chooses to keep it to herself just smile and wave.

Three Faces

The Renegade Press

Back in 2011 I won the Heading North Young Writers Competition and a place on panel of up and coming writers at the Byron Bay Writers Festival. At the time it was a pretty big achievement for me. I was twenty three years old and struggling to find my way in this world. I was living away from my family and partner so that I could try to pursue my writing dreams. I was broke, fragile and alone. But somehow a panel of judges managed to see through the muddled tale of woe I’d written and gave me an opportunity to shine. I was thrilled with the opportunity and told myself that this was my big break; that I was ready to take on the literary world…

…It was a definitely a break. Unfortunately it would be one that I’d fail to fully embrace before slipping into a harrowing…

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