when you no longer want me,will you tell me?

Exactly that

when you no longer want me will tell me? at least say goodbye to me? not make up stories?

We meet people and come to love and end up living with them but

  1. are they worthy of our love?
  2. are they worthy of time?
  3. do they deserve us?
  4. are they honest enough to be trusted with our valuable info?
  5. are they honest with us?
  6. can we take their word for it?

When a boy sees a girl and approaches the girl, it seems like it will be forever and ever. But when a man meets a woman is all about compromise, lies and heartbreak.Why is it like that?

You come to love him warts and all but they have special goal they want to achieve out of meeting with you. I understand you can’t just meet a person without his especially after a certain age in life. The honors lies on you to be honest with the other party. Whether you twist the truth to suit you but at least hint regarding your history.

If I no longer fit into your plans please don’t string me along.

Don’t lie to me.

Don’t abuse me.

Don’t cheat me

Don’t steal my stuff when you leave.

Leave my money alone and most definitely my kids too.

I dated this foreign guy and we eventually moved in together and had 3 kids together. He spoil t me in the beginning however he no longer does that instead he beats me up at every corner and chance he gets. I support the both us as he no longer can but it’s okay. Now he came up with a new version to his predicament of not making money – he lost his papers and he needs money to sort them out. We have been together for how long -18 years? They can’t find his fingerprints on the computer and he has to go back home to sort them out. Yes you guessed right he is moving on with somebody else other than me. He has enough of me hence the beating now he wants to make off with my money that I work hard for.

Why is it difficult for him to leave me just like that-disappear? Why must he steal my money? Why lie to me? Yes I should have left him the moment the beatings started but ……..

Yes I do sleep around and blame him for that. I suspect he knows but doesn’t give a hoot about me. He leaves early and comes back in the early hours of the morning. He doesn’t even touch me. It’s like I am repulsive.

Why do I allow to be treated like that I dare ask.

WHY? WHY?

I have no answer for you and I don’t think I will ever have.

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Maybe it is called love

I don’t know what to call but maybe to some it is called LOVE. LOVE seems like a nice thing however the way some people show it, it sometimes leaves me confused. I don’t know I am confused, baffled.

We show our insecurities differently I guess. I may choose to keep quiet, be more reserved, you know the unfriendly type.
Some may choose to be very loud, hateful, jealous of other people they think are better than them.
Some may choose to be rather humiliated, take their punishment like big boys and girl, you know the brave way.
Some may choose talkative, get advise from other people, you know the coward way.

I don’t know but either way all this slowly erodes you, eats you away, turns you into someone you never recognize.

The best way to deal with all this is to ask for help but sometimes while you are the victim you never see yourself as the victim. You think it is LOVE.

I come from a family that taught me to socialize, listen, never judge or assume you know better than the next person and try to understand or put yourself in other people’s shoes.

Up to today I still cannot fathom that this is another form of abuse. Yes abuse I don’t know where it falls namely physical, mental etc. What used to happen is one is subjected to pain as a form of control mode. Yes you are hurt either by way of actions (slapping), verbally and ignoring as if you are not there. Yes I’ve seen that happen. Your family ignore me and in order to be recognized or be accepted as a family member I must scrape their …… That’s where you open up for all kinds of abuse because now you are seeking acceptance. I know that is done in prison as part of their search routine however was it necessary for your to do it. Oh yes that was quite humiliating to succumb oneself to that level of treatment. Maybe one should have taken a leave out of your book did cavity search to you. What are you looking for actually?

Please enlighten me because that left me disgusted once I realized what was going on.

The smiles, clothes, hairstyles that we wear hide a lot of things but being an abuser isn’t suppose to be one of them. Doesn’t suit you or anyone for that matter. Since the community holds you highly and dearly.

You know I was taught that the mentally unstable people don’t always run around swearing and chasing people or pick up dirt or run around naked, dirty but they come in all forms even the most cleanest, normal looking ordinary guy can be very unstable just that they choose to show their instability whenever it suits them or at places they feel comfortable. Oh yes just wanted to know do also do that to your current lover, you know do you search her as well? Maybe she is very lucky indeed she doesn’t need to succumb to that, she must be very special or she also chooses to keep it to herself just smile and wave.

Let go be gone

I don’t think other people understand the meaning of this.

I am serious “Let go be gone”.. I mean it.

I moved on with my life even though you are still caught up in whatever you think you can still hold on.

Yes I get it and I also see you but lets move on brother and sister.

Whatever we had we had.

I respected you thinking that you would do the same with me but alas I was in dreamland as always.

Why did you do that to me?

I should have known that your insecurities reflected your dishonesty, you had affairs all over the show. You were once jealous of a porter. Yes the guy was smitten however it ended just there and I don’t think he would have asked for my numbers even if he did I don’t think he could afford to fly over to see me.

Yes I do attract them however being friendly with them doesn’t mean I would sleep with them.

Yes you did sleep around while you were sleeping with me and lucky for you I found out late. Like i said before i don’t share my toys that included you.

Why did you do that? Why did you play me like that? You made your bed now lie in it. I took it that you were happy with your choice but clearly I am mistaken.

Why did you go behind my back asking about me? You could have came to me and asked all you wanted to you know. Because of you I am healthy, more careful with you I associate myself with.

Yep when I lost my virginity you were standing right there watching me surely you could have said something right there but you didn’t I guess you lacked courage then. Yep I couldn’t give you a child because I didn’t want to and I never believed in shotgun marriage. You terms and conditions were way too hectic for me. You never respected me for who I was or who I am. Yes I know that you are still crazy about me however not as a successful being only as your dependent. I do have pride you know.

It makes me more curious about you, as a human being, your thoughts.

Yes you abused me in ways I never thought possible particularly from a being of your caliber. I respected you either way. Yes you would do those things and I never questioned you. You requested hiv/aids tests every 6 months and I did comply. Whereas you I never knew your results and you were taking meds on daily basis. I never bothered to ask you, gave you the space you required.

You are happily married now and please do forget about me and move on. You’ll never ever lay besides me. I am jealous you know hence I don’t share my toys. Once you touch another being the way you touched me and I find out condition is you leave me in pieces. I knew you had affairs however I didn’t go out and search for those people. I never questioned you when you spoke to anyone instead I gave that space, I didn’t mind waiting for you.

Yeah remember when one of your friends wanted to make a move on me and you forbade me, you commanded that i cut ties and I did without making a scene even though that move cost me a huge chunk of my income. You never thought the repercussions of your actions, only your feelings mattered. Yeah you taught me quite a lot hey one thing that stuck in my mind is sunny-side up. That is still clear as daylight. You would wake me up to cook it for you and I did that with a smile. You were difficult to please but since I allowed you to do that I humbled myself to that level. I had meetings that were very important to me however as long as you were not approving of them I ensured that they never disturbed you even though they would wake you up for whatever. Yes you were my hero and you will still remain as such however don’t push unsavory agendas under the pretext of loving me.

You trampled upon my dignity, you were arrogant while doing that despite that I pushed on. You abused me both emotionally and mentally. You did things to me that I failed to understand till today. I just cannot fathom what did I do to deserve such treatment from you. Well let bygones be bygones.

My mother warned me about your type but I was already within your clutches, all I had to do was to wait for you to leave me. Yeah forever smiling, very shy and you never kept eye contact. I always wondered why and you still do that I guess it’s true “eyes are windows to your soul”. I know now that you have demons.

Let go be gone. SALUTE. You need help end of story. Just let me be please.