I have fallen

Yes I have fallen………

 

I have fallen off a wagon.

 

I have fallen in love with you.

 

I have fallen for your tricks again.

 

I fallen yet again on my head.

 

I have fallen

 

You think that I would fall again for the same trick? Think again man I won’t do that and can’t do that. I know I seem stupid and all but there is something that always goes berserk each time you make a move on me sucker. Yeah I remembers that our 1st date we went to the movies and now you are trying to relive it again. Ah well it’s up to you really as to what memories you hold on to. I hold on to the lies and promised you never fulfilled. Oh today I am good enough for your babies, how many were they when we 1st met? How many are they now? Just like before lets keep it that. You couldn’t trust me enough to be honest with me hey. Ya ne. I still have your proposal and ring.

Again you make promises in front of your friends that we will be together forever and ever? You know you can’t and won’t make it happen. Just because you are in dire doesn’t mean that there is changes. You shall never and you will never be honest with me I am not what you are looking for in a partner. I am only good when you want to use me. Yes use me however way suits you.

Yes you will keep on stealing my ideas. You don’t want to see get out of the gutter just because I am not with you. It is your own doing. Couldn’t we have taken things as per our plan? Not put on any pressure, less impossible expectations. Would you have loved me more had I had your baby? Didn’t you want us to enjoy each other’s company before having kids? Gunshot marriage is that what you always wanted? How could I have handled you with that green monster? ┬áDid you love me enough not to worry about the baby I might have carried for you? You made a promise and I sure hope you keep. I trust you’ll remember it and I shall remind you should you step otherwise.

Why couldn’t you have given me chance to find myself? You wanted marriage and I felt I was young to be tied down like that. How does it feel to be caught between 2 people you claim to love? I think I wouldn’t have survived the fact that you are in love with someone else other me.

I can’t be part of entourage, couldn’t be then and I won’t be. I understand that distance played a role but you could have comprised as I did for you. Anyway everything happens for a reason hence you couldn’t be faithful to me. I got to say I am glad that you left me now I don’t have to be worried about the diseases I might pick up cos you don’t condomise.

I was spoil t and respected by you even we often had our fights. What we had was the best so far. I just hope you would continue to do that to the woman you would end up marrying. I still don’t know what makes you so special however I became attached to you and you to me. We became one. I enjoyed our time together. You taught me a lot in forgiving those who have hurt us and moving on with our lives. Here we are living a healthy life. Thank you may you continue being your pleasant self. I can’t forget those eyes. Beautiful as they are.

I know you were really attracted to me the 1st time you laid your eyes on me. You waited for how many years before you made a move on me? You even have a baby but you still respected my space and kept your feelings to yourself. Now you can’t wait a week yet you waited so long? I know that you want to be with me but the situation is not conducive enough. Even though I could not understand what you were saying about me however I could tell that there is something there in your eyes, your touch, your smile. You were speaking about me hence I felt a bit shy when you approached. Yes that shocked look when you saw my upper body as my baby undone my dress. Yes everybody who matters to you knows about me and they respect me thank you. The compliments I get I shall cherish them even though it’s too late now we can’t be together there is other people involved. I cherish your honesty about yourself. I realized that you don’t know much about me and actually don’t care. You saw what you saw and it shall remain like that.

I am single however respect the fact that I do not want you in my space. My space my home if you are serious about us you would find a place for us. I am not boarding and free lodger place. I want my kids and friends to have the freedom to come and go as they please besides I am not all for my kids to see different men in our house. I want them to feel safe as they do right now. Yes different men I dare say.

After you had whatever you wanted you will and another will assume it’s free boarding and lodging in my place and I will end up with married men as partners cos I will be having a place for all of them to sleep. I respect my space as much as you respect yours. Besides you former girlfriend is like a daughter to me. Yes I may seem young and naive however you were the greatest teachers a person would have and thank you for all the life’s lessons that you taught me. May your continue to teach others as you did with me.

 

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when you no longer want me,will you tell me?

Exactly that

when you no longer want me will tell me? at least say goodbye to me? not make up stories?

We meet people and come to love and end up living with them but

  1. are they worthy of our love?
  2. are they worthy of time?
  3. do they deserve us?
  4. are they honest enough to be trusted with our valuable info?
  5. are they honest with us?
  6. can we take their word for it?

When a boy sees a girl and approaches the girl, it seems like it will be forever and ever. But when a man meets a woman is all about compromise, lies and heartbreak.Why is it like that?

You come to love him warts and all but they have special goal they want to achieve out of meeting with you. I understand you can’t just meet a person without his especially after a certain age in life. The honors lies on you to be honest with the other party. Whether you twist the truth to suit you but at least hint regarding your history.

If I no longer fit into your plans please don’t string me along.

Don’t lie to me.

Don’t abuse me.

Don’t cheat me

Don’t steal my stuff when you leave.

Leave my money alone and most definitely my kids too.

I dated this foreign guy and we eventually moved in together and had 3 kids together. He spoil t me in the beginning however he no longer does that instead he beats me up at every corner and chance he gets. I support the both us as he no longer can but it’s okay. Now he came up with a new version to his predicament of not making money – he lost his papers and he needs money to sort them out. We have been together for how long -18 years? They can’t find his fingerprints on the computer and he has to go back home to sort them out. Yes you guessed right he is moving on with somebody else other than me. He has enough of me hence the beating now he wants to make off with my money that I work hard for.

Why is it difficult for him to leave me just like that-disappear? Why must he steal my money? Why lie to me? Yes I should have left him the moment the beatings started but ……..

Yes I do sleep around and blame him for that. I suspect he knows but doesn’t give a hoot about me. He leaves early and comes back in the early hours of the morning. He doesn’t even touch me. It’s like I am repulsive.

Why do I allow to be treated like that I dare ask.

WHY? WHY?

I have no answer for you and I don’t think I will ever have.

Photos

What did you do with my photos? Yes the ones you took of me.

I never saw them cos you took them without my knowledge and my permission. They told me about them people you shared them with.

I know its hard to forget me but you didn’t need photos of me to keep. Yes I never forgot you even though I loath you.

How easy love turns to hate. I am just curious.

Maybe it is called love

I don’t know what to call but maybe to some it is called LOVE. LOVE seems like a nice thing however the way some people show it, it sometimes leaves me confused. I don’t know I am confused, baffled.

We show our insecurities differently I guess. I may choose to keep quiet, be more reserved, you know the unfriendly type.
Some may choose to be very loud, hateful, jealous of other people they think are better than them.
Some may choose to be rather humiliated, take their punishment like big boys and girl, you know the brave way.
Some may choose talkative, get advise from other people, you know the coward way.

I don’t know but either way all this slowly erodes you, eats you away, turns you into someone you never recognize.

The best way to deal with all this is to ask for help but sometimes while you are the victim you never see yourself as the victim. You think it is LOVE.

I come from a family that taught me to socialize, listen, never judge or assume you know better than the next person and try to understand or put yourself in other people’s shoes.

Up to today I still cannot fathom that this is another form of abuse. Yes abuse I don’t know where it falls namely physical, mental etc. What used to happen is one is subjected to pain as a form of control mode. Yes you are hurt either by way of actions (slapping), verbally and ignoring as if you are not there. Yes I’ve seen that happen. Your family ignore me and in order to be recognized or be accepted as a family member I must scrape their …… That’s where you open up for all kinds of abuse because now you are seeking acceptance. I know that is done in prison as part of their search routine however was it necessary for your to do it. Oh yes that was quite humiliating to succumb oneself to that level of treatment. Maybe one should have taken a leave out of your book did cavity search to you. What are you looking for actually?

Please enlighten me because that left me disgusted once I realized what was going on.

The smiles, clothes, hairstyles that we wear hide a lot of things but being an abuser isn’t suppose to be one of them. Doesn’t suit you or anyone for that matter. Since the community holds you highly and dearly.

You know I was taught that the mentally unstable people don’t always run around swearing and chasing people or pick up dirt or run around naked, dirty but they come in all forms even the most cleanest, normal looking ordinary guy can be very unstable just that they choose to show their instability whenever it suits them or at places they feel comfortable. Oh yes just wanted to know do also do that to your current lover, you know do you search her as well? Maybe she is very lucky indeed she doesn’t need to succumb to that, she must be very special or she also chooses to keep it to herself just smile and wave.

Can’t we forgive and not forget?

You didn’t wait to be introduced properly to the church community but you were part of it already. I wondered if you know that they do have marriage counselling, to avoid surprises after you married into their community. I also wonder if you knew that as per church’s rules and regulations you do not DIVORCE. It’s unheard of.

Let bygones be bygones,he has passed on just do the right thing culturally. Just go bury him please.

You might be still angry, disappointed at him that you eventually parted ways but then again I said it please do the right thing, go mourn properly culturally and religiously so.

You had fights before and after each fight you refused to leave even if asked to do so by him. Yep we understand your marriage reached its sell by date very soon but what has happened has happened. Lets move on.

It is very sad indeed when two lovers part ways and loath each other. How come two people hate each other so much? How so? Is it an issue of not finding closure? For pete sake you do have a baby girl together, how are you going to raise her? Bitter as you? Think about other people this issue affects besides you.

All the best in all your endeavors however. Know that I still love and will support however way.

Shotgun marriages

Marriage as a marriage right? I believe it had everything to do with love right? It’s about finding one’s soul-mate after all.

Well I thought wrong it had nothing to do with all the above. It’s matter of convenience. Yep its a matter of convenience. I think we all start thinking that we are in love but alas who are we kidding. Hence there is divorce after all because all of Sunday we have arguments, irreconcilable differences etc.

Some use children to trap others in marriage.

Some use force to trap others in marriage.

Some use whatever they can to trap others in marriage.

How do they say it ?

You made your bed now lie in it.

Feel free to correct me.

My sister the black widow – 2

I keep on wondering whether my older sister is the only black widow in the family? I doubt if she is the only one. It seems like there is quite a number of them in the family.

I think my father’s so called wife is also a black widow. She has been living with my father claiming that she’s his wife and yet she couldn’t give proof of her marriage to anyone. She does not have a marriage certificate at least. She took my father’s last name after he passed just so she can be elected as the executor of his estate, which didn’t work either. He died interstate and his estate is still not wounded up till today. Her last name is not the same as my father.

She has the audacity of badmouthing everybody even her own sister. I wonder why she is doing that? What is it that she is hiding? Her own skeletons perhaps? I would be embarrassed to admit that she only went into the marriage knowing that my father was a philanderer. Wow what a bold statement from her. Where is her pride then as a woman? She says my father had affairs all over the show yet she stayed in that sham she called a marriage.

She was my father’s 1st wife sister and she used to stay with them as a young girl. Did she jump into her sister’s bed immediately her sister was no more? Was she perhaps sharing my father with her sister? Was she ever jealous of her sister’s life? Did she want my father all to herself that she killed her sister for him? If so why did she treat my siblings so bad? Why did she fight for my father’s house and yet she can’t pay for rates and taxes of that property? Why does she have to lie and badmouth everybody around her? She lies about almost everything. Why???? Did she go into the marriage thinking that she will benefit?